


a universe different from this

by neolino



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, Unrequited Love, college party, felix is going through smth, love triangle sorta???, mentions of chaeryeong and ryujin, ryujin chaeryeong and jeongin cant set up a ping pong table, so is Hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neolino/pseuds/neolino
Summary: “You know I love you, Hyunjin.”“I know.”A sigh lingers on Felix’s lips. He waits for a response, but it never comes. Hyunjin shows his love through lingering touches and gifts wrapped in old newspapers. He shows his love through genuine compliments and lighthearted jokes. He shows his love by doing people’s errands for them, by telling his friends to take it easy, by being a shoulder to cry on.But Hyunjin never shows his love by saying it. He can be on the receiving end of burdens and degrading comments, but he can never bring himself to tell Felix he loves him back.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	a universe different from this

“You can’t keep doing this.”

Hyunjin doesn’t know whose house this is, or if he’s even allowed to sit on the roof, but he can’t bring himself to care. He can only bring himself to glance at Felix, who stares at the people scattered across the lawn. Someone — Jisung, maybe, or one of the freshmen trying to fit in at this lame excuse of a party — shouts at the both of them and asks how they ended up on the roof.

Hyunjin looks up at the sky. He squints and tries his best to look for the stars. He gives up when he sees Felix in the corner of his eye, flashing a smile at someone who stands on the ground. Neither of them answer the question that was shot at them.

Hyunjin decides to speak again. “You’re hurting yourself.”

The smile disappears. Felix doesn’t answer.

Felix puts people before himself — he gives them the world and more. He hangs the moon, looks after the stars, and expects nothing in return.

Hyunjin doesn’t understand.

“Felix—”

“I know, okay?” He interrupts. He sounds tired. Of the night, of the party, of the people below. Tired of the pain in his chest and tearing himself apart. His voice softens like it always does when he thinks he’s being too harsh. “Sorry.”

This is how their conversations go. Before, it used to be about toy cars and superhero figurines. Then, it was about joining the soccer team and trying out for the musical. After that it was failed test scores and college applications.

Hyunjin doesn’t remember when everything started to shift. He doesn’t know when their conversations went from Professor Kim’s boring lectures to the boy who sits behind Felix in class. Maybe it was when he decided to arrive early on the first day. Maybe it was when he introduced his friend, Seungmin, from Creative Writing. Maybe it was when Felix’s smiles grew more fond and love gleamed in his eyes whenever Seungmin so much as talked.

Maybe it was when Felix started coughing up flowers.

Daisies are Seungmin’s favourite. Hyunjin finds it incredibly cruel that those are the same flowers Felix coughs up.

“Don’t apologize,” Hyunjin is sick of hearing Felix apologize for things he can’t control. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Silence hangs in the air. Beneath them, Jisung is asking other people how to get on the roof.

(“What do you want, Han?”

“Nice to see you, too, Minho. How do you get on the roof? I wanna stargaze.”

“I don’t know. This isn’t my house.”

“You’re useless.”

“Thanks.”)

Inside, Changbin and Chan are arguing about which song to blast through the speakers — it’s playful banter and so loud that Hyunjin can hear it from outside. One of the freshmen, a short guy named Jeongin who always seems to be smiling, has been attempting to set up a ping pong table on the front lawn for five minutes with his friends. They laugh and giggle whenever they fail to put it together, and Hyunjin wonders how the adrenaline is already coursing through their veins when the party hasn’t even hit its peak yet.

On the roof, it’s silent. Peaceful. Hyunjin likes it better up here than down below.

Felix licks his lips, thoughts clouding his eyes as he stares longingly across the street. “Do you believe in alternate universes?” he asks. His voice is oh so gentle and Hyunjin is afraid to speak because nothing about him is gentle nor soft.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin replies. His voice is hoarse; a complete contrast to Felix’s. He could never match Felix’s soothing tone. Hyunjin has always used his voice as some sort of weapon — it’s cold and gruff and prickly. Felix uses his voice to heal. Sometimes people ask them how they’re so close, since they’re so different from each other.

“Alternate universes,” Felix says again. “You know, like in a different universe I would’ve been an English major—”

Hyunjin scrunches his nose. “ _God_.”

“I’m just giving you examples!” Felix exclaims. “I could be an English major.”

Hyunjin laughs. “Alright.”

“Okay, whatever,” Felix grumbles, but there’s still a smile on his face. Hyunjin can look into his eyes and see more stars in them than he can in the sky. “There could be a universe where Chan-hyung likes coffee. One where Minho-hyung is a dog person. One where we aren’t best friends.”

The smile drops from Hyunjin’s face. He clears his throat. “You really think there’s a world where we aren’t friends?”

Felix shrugs, nonchalant. Not a care in the world. “Well, there’s a possibility,” he mumbles. He seems so untroubled by the thought. He looks off into the distance with such a carefree look on his face, as if the thought of them not being best friends in a different universe isn’t so bad.

Hyunjin’s heart jumps to his throat. He feels something flutter in the pit of his stomach. “Saying that so casually,” he laughs. It comes out more bitter than he wants it to. Felix glances over at him with a frown. “You want to get rid of me that badly, Lix?”

Felix sees through the facade. He always does. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he mumbles, worry pooling into his eyes. The stars are washed away. “You know I love you, Hyunjin.”

“I know.”

A sigh lingers on Felix’s lips. He waits for a response, but it never comes. Hyunjin shows his love through lingering touches and gifts wrapped in old newspapers. He shows his love through genuine compliments and lighthearted jokes. He shows his love by doing people’s errands for them, by telling his friends to take it easy, by being a shoulder to cry on.

But Hyunjin never shows his love by saying it. He can be on the receiving end of burdens and degrading comments, but he can never bring himself to tell Felix he loves him back.

A car door slams shut and a boy stumbles towards the house, smiling so wide he rivals the sun. In the corner of his eyes, Hyunjin sees Felix straighten his posture.

“Seungmin!” Jisung exclaims, opening his arms wide to give the boy a hug. “You’re late!”

Seungmin pushes his arms away, rolling his eyes. “It’s a college party, there’s no such thing as being _late_ ,” he scoffs. He scans the front yard, raising an eyebrow at the still unassembled ping pong table before he glances up. His eyes meet Felix’s and his smile widens. “Lix, hey, you’re here! Nice to see you — you too, Hyunjin!”

Felix grins. It’s cheerful and genuine. “Hey, Seungmin!”

Hyunjin grins as well. It’s fake and tight-lipped. “Nice to see you, too, man.”

Seungmin nods and then drags Jisung over to help the freshmen with the ping pong table. While Jeongin trips over the rackets and Ryujin and Chaeryeong struggle to untangle the net, Hyunjin leans back and tilts his head to look over at his friend.

“You’re never going to tell him, are you?”

Felix no longer stares at the house across the street. He looks at Seungmin with so much affection in his eyes. So much happiness. So much _love_. Seungmin doesn’t notice it, partly because he’s a little oblivious and partly because he’s too busy dodging the ping pong balls Jisung throws his way.

_Party In The U.S.A_ by Miley Cyrus blasts through the speakers. Changbin comes staggering out the door, euphoria in his bloodstream and exhilaration in his steps. He jogs over to the table not bothering to hide his eagerness before he wraps Seungmin in a hug. Seungmin doesn’t hesitate to hug him back.

Next to Hyunjin, Felix deflates.

“In an alternate universe Seungmin would love me back.”

Something close to pain claws at Hyunjin’s heart.

“There’s ways to fix this,” Hyunjin offers. He tries to be gentle. He reaches out to place his hand on Felix’s. “You can get rid of the flowers.”

“I don’t want to,” Felix whispers. “I can’t even imagine _not_ loving him.”

Hyunjin closes his eyes. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“Yeah, me too,” Felix utters. He clears his throat to avoid coughing up a flower petal and stands up and looks at the window he and Hyunjin had crawled through earlier to get on the roof. “Let’s get down there. I don’t wanna miss anything.”

“This party’s stupid,” Hyunjin snorts. He gets up and follows Felix, going through the window. “You aren’t going to miss anything.”

“Chan-hyung brought a karaoke machine. If I miss Minho-hyung singing Dancing QueenI’m never going to forgive myself,” Felix says. He looks at the pattern on the old wallpaper. “The peonies on these are nice.”

Hyunjin frowns and shrugs. “I guess.”

“C’mon, they’re pretty,” Felix says. His fingers graze the walls before he dusts his hands on his jeans. “God, it’s so dirty up here.”

“The flowers are collecting dust.”

Felix pouts. “The poor peonies.”

Hyunjin furrows his eyebrows. “Since when did you care about flowers?”

Felix inhales sharply. “I started reading about them when… you know,” he trails off.

“Oh.” A laugh void of content fills the air. “Yeah,” the shorter boy says, a little sour. “I pass by this flower shop on my way to work, too. They’ve got nice peonies there. I’ll bring you there some time and show you.”

Hyunjin smiles. This time it’s sincere. “That sounds nice."

After a night filled with spiked fruit punch and red solo cups; a night of dancing to the Hannah Montana songs Minho insisted on playing and taking advantage of Chan’s karaoke machine; a night of avoiding heartbreak like the plague and reading the lyrics Jisung writes when he can’t sleep, Hyunjin goes home and collapses onto the couch.

His eyes are about to close when his phone buzzes in his back pocket.

**lix** : hey hyunjin thnx for taking me home!!! did u get home safe??

**hwang** : yeah just got home. i’m about to fall asleep tho lol i’m so tired

**lix** : aw loser

**lix** : just kidding just kidding pls go to sleep and get some rest ):

**lix** : i’ll see u tmrw!!! love u <3

Something blooms in the pit of Hyunjin’s stomach. Something scratches at his throat. Something bruises his ribs and leaves cuts in his heart deep enough to scar. Pain engulfs him. Hyunjin coughs. A peony petal slips through the gap between his teeth and past his lips and lands on his lap.

_Fuck_.

**Author's Note:**

> haha this is my first time posting smth on ao3 so pls bare with me thank u


End file.
